My Sweetest....

i'm feeling terribly upset now.
If i were to be like how i used to be in the past when i was still with him, i would've probably scold you right in the face or over the phone. (be it sms or chitchatting)
But i am still maintaining my current temper, chilling myself down and i've been learning to take things easy. Unlike the past, i never once learnt my lesson until the day when i know it's gonna be over, i started to grab it tightly and learn how to cherish.. and without giving me a chance, within a short period it's gone. I threw tantrum as and when i feel like it, i mentioned the word "thats it" whenever i felt unhappiness & insecure especially when quarrel occurs, i laid my hands on anything/anyone (him) around me, i was the one who made most of the decision and was known as the dominant one.

Ever since the day i've lost him, i've learnt how to cherish.. it's like, finally (:
from that relationship i have learnt alot & gained some experience.. i told myself that never ever will i repeat my mistake anymore.

I almost quarrelled with baby just now. I couldn't make up my mind whether should i attend tomorrow's training or not, should i do my assignment or not.. as i've a presentation tomorrow.
I EXPECT HIM to make the decision for me .. and i really wanted to. so i asked and he told me in a v "cold" manner(thats how i felt so), telling me to make the decision myself.
i asked you means i want to hear from you, i expect an answer from you.
yet the answer you gave, it's like a ball rolling back to me when i've pushed it away.
isn't this as good as keeping my mouth shut and make the decision myself?
What the. i can't deny that i am very pissed off by that. Even though it's a slighhhhhhhhht piece of shit matter. still........
I can remain angry for as long as i want until my burning temperature cease.

smth alike happened today.
just like this early afternoon, had mini hoo-ha over a damn trivial matter. or should i say, it's nothing at all? I was having my lunchbreak so went shopping at the same time, as i was feeling bored, i called baby for a chat. talked for afew mins, I felt that he didn't initiate to speak up to me over the phone so i asked for a hang-up and use text instead. And to be frank with him,i told him that i was fucking annoyed by him. Yes, because he was keeping quiet.. and after a few rounds of text, i told him to stop e conversation here. I was really flaring up... and not to let it worsen, i avoided trouble and that explained why i didn't wanna continue msg-ing.
It's been many times that i've felt like flaring up, scolding people, be demanding, climbing over their heads, fight for my RIGHTS ...
but i didn't act towards it.
simply because i couldn't bear to do so.
I know that i've made it all successfully?
Cos' i'm completely different from e past!
yet at the same time;
I find that it's still not enough........
&
It'll definitely break my heart if i were to scold baby ):

sorry.

i am still not in the right mood.

Satisfy & coax me can ?